Friday, November 4, 2011

thank heavens for little boys.

so much has happened since i last blogged. so many wonderful things.
first relation to my post about "mr. snortles"....since i posted that, Amasaiah has been brought back to the orphanage and is super healthy now and is WALKING...and better yet becoming a little chunker :)
 This was a huge answer to countless prayers! he is back and thriving. a double blessing!

in other news, since i last blogged i have gotten a little brother....well not yet. he is 9 years old and lives at the orphanage in Haiti for the time being until we can bring him MONELSON!
i cant wait to bring him home :) he has the most amazing personality and he is hysterical as anything. he and i bonded while i was in haiti over the summer (before i even knew he was going to be my brother). one night after a birthday celebration, he and some of the older kids got to stay up later and we were playing music and dancing. and we were referring to the boys and girls as princes and princesses...and i used to say "prince monelson, may i have this dance" and his face would cringe up and he would smile and yell "eeeeeee I NO PRINCE" and so the rest of my stay there i referred to him as "prince monelson" and each time he would break out in an ear to ear smile followed by an infectious chuckle and say "hehe i no prince"

yes i am ecstatic to be getting a brother and yes i am all too excited to be having a little piece of haiti being part of my family for the rest of my life but beginning this whole process has reopened some old wounds also. recently my mind has really been brought back to when Joey was still with us. it has been about 9 months since he left our feels like its been forever. having my parents start this adoption at first brought about an immense amount of joy and excitement for all of us, but as the days went on, i started feeling something that i didnt expect to feel....nervousness and a little bit of anxiety. because it was only a year ago that our family was at THIS point in our lives:

this was our reality and we were so blissfully in love with that little mischevious blonde booger you see there. as i look at our expressions in this picture, they are looks of a family that is so deeply in love with one another not to mention the strength of the bond we all had with that little boy. and we were utterly and completely not prepared for the blindsiding we would have in regards to a certain person who had become a member of our family since the first day he came to live with us. you would think that 9 months is enough time to heal wounds that came out of the removal of a child who you called your brother for only 10 months. to be honest with you, i cant look at his pictures without crying even today. i cant even talk about him without getting misty eyed every.single.time. starting this new adoption process has reaffected our family. every single one of us has gone through the whole "joe" situation again, each in our own way, but im pretty positive that every single one of us has had joe on the mind since we have started this process. with thanksgiving coming up, and thinking about thankfulness, just the other day i remembered when last thanksgiving i taught Joe to say the word "TOFURKEY"....dont ask me why i taught him that word, we were always teaching him weird things. but that was OUR word. it was a word that would have the two of us laughing every single time either one of us said it. and i can literally hear him saying it to me in my head clear as day. he would make himself laugh every time he said the word. it was quite the funny sight.

this has also made me think, and i hate that these thoughts even come across my mind. but what if my bond with Joe was so strong that i wont be able to connect with Monelson in the way that i did with Joe? i want to love Monelson with my whole heart the way that i love every other member of my family, but will this feeling ever go away? the feeling in my heart that his adoption represents the painful failure of Joe's adoption. and that i have not been as quick to open my heart for fear of having to know the feeling of having someone you so deeply love be ripped from you, never to be seen again?? i dont know the answer. all i know is that i am not the one in control of my life, or joes, life or monelsons life. and it is only the Great I Am that can help me heal and bandage these wounds that are still festering on my heart. until then, i will love this new little brother of mine the best way i know how :)